About The Bone Wars

For many years, brave warriors, intellects, and rogues have taken their shirts off or kicked some serious ass in the name of justice, for the acquisition of power or great wealth, or just because they look damn fine doing it. And so we, in turn, want to do them. Thus begins the saga to be known henceforth as The Bone Wars.

 


 

FANNY: So, Nana and I have a tendency to get into these long talks about people we watch on television and the characters from our favorite shows. Usually it evolves (devolves?) into something along the lines of what you’d probably hear in a boys’ locker room about girls on the cheerleading squad. If things like that even happen anymore. I mean, I don’t know… do cheerleaders even still exist?

NANA: They do. I think they do.

FANNY: Do they just like, What’s App each other all day? Is that even still used? Or is it all just weird apps that… I don’t know!

NANA: *commiserative sigh of elderliness and defeat*

FANNY: So anyway, we have locker room chat about people that would potentially… like to bone. And so then we started talking about… well, so what if all these people duked it out?

NANA: Who would win in a fight!

FANNY: Who would win in a fight of bone-worthiness! And thus, the idea for The Bone Wars was born.

So here’s how it’s gonna work.

FANNY: We have compiled a list of all of the (what we feel are) most bone-worthy people from all of our favorite TV shows. We’ve limited it to television because, if we allowed movie characters in there, someone like Black Widow would just ruin everybody and easily sweep the whole thing. It’s just not fair. So we’re leaving movie people off the table (for this season, anyway).

So another thing is, the television show has to be relatively recent. We have decided that anything that has originally aired within the past ten years is fair game.

NANA: Because certain cult favorites would just kill it.

FANNY: And that, again, is probably not fair. So if it didn’t originally air in 2005 or later, it’s just not eligible. Unless we have an epic ALL-TIME DUKE-OUT (!!!) where maybe we have Angel versus Spike… Buffy versus It Doesn’t Matter Because Buffy Will Win.

NANA: So… MAYBE.

FANNY: Let’s review: So, shows originally airing within the past 10 Years (2005-on) and TV shows we like.

NANA: Shows we like. That’s important. Because, we just haven’t watched every single sci-fi, supernatural-related, superhero show that’s out there. Sorry! I have started to watch plenty of shows that other people like, but I didn’t get into it… so, I just didn’t watch them. Or I just haven’t watched something for other reasons. I can’t pick a character I’m not familiar with from a show I’m not familiar with.

And also, we decided we’re gonna limit how many Contenders we can choose from an individual show. I think we said no more than two. And in cases where the main cast is quite small in number, we’re really, really going to try to limit it to only one. Really.

FANNY: Right. So, with that in mind, should you have any suggestions for Bone Wars match-ups or single contenders that you would like to nominate for The Bone Wars, you can email us at bonewars@doublewintwins.com and we will consider your nomination.

Here’s REALLY how it is going to work:

We’ve matched up our various contenders by considering their various origin stories and skills. For example, some people might be considered Everyday People in Extraordinary Circumstances, while others are Gifted Supernaturals. We’ve tried to match them up as evenly this way as possible.

On The Bone Wars section of the website, we’ll start listing the latest Contenders. This will include a character study, written by either Nana or Fanny—depending on which one of us is more familiar with the Contender—as well as list our personal ratings in each of the following attributes: from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) points in STRENGTH, DEXTERITY, INTELLECT, and CHARISMA. For details about these stats, see the Stat Guide.

THEN, we will announce the match-up in a post on the website. In this post, we encourage you guys to speculate as to whom you think will win the BONE BATTLE.

Finally, in each episode of the podcast, Fanny and Nana will each represent one of the two Contenders. Each stat point in each attribute will represent ONE DIE (d6). So, if a Contender has 5 points in STRENGTH, that Contender gets 5 dice. We will actually do this for real when we are recording the podcast!

THE BONE-OFF

Each attribute gets it’s own roll—we’ll consider these “Rounds.” We’ll start with STRENGTH, roll however many dice each Contender has in STRENGTH, record the result, and continue on throughout other attributes.

The winner of each attribute roll will be determined by the number of SUCCESSES they receive on that role. For our purposes, we are borrowing from some familiar Tabletop games, and considering a SUCCESS to be an individual die showing either 5 or 6 pips.

Whichever contender wins the most rounds, wins the BONE BATTLE!

But just who will win THE BONE WAR!!!???

Here’s an example!

CONTENDER #1: Nana
Strength
= 3
Dexterity = 3
Intellect = 4
Charisma = 4
Nana’s probably smarter than she is anything else, which might not be saying much. But anyway!
CONTENDER #2: Fanny
Strength = 3
Dexterity = 3
Intellect = 4
Charisma = 4
Fanny is probably slightly smarter than Nana (she can actually math!) but still, averaged-out it’s a 4 rating.

Pretty even fight, right? IT’S LIKE WE’RE TWINS OR SOMETHING!!!
Let’s just see how this all shakes out.

ROUND 1: STRENGTH
Nana (3 dice) versus Fanny (3 dice)
Nana rolls a 2, a 5, and a 6
Fanny rolls a 2, a 2, and a 4
Nana gets 2 SUCCESSES (the 5 and the 6)
Fanny gets 0 SUCCESSES
NANA WINS THIS ROUND!!!
ROUND 2: DEXTERITY
Nana (3 dice) versus Fanny (3 dice)
Nana rolls a 1, a 3, and a 6
Fanny rolls a 1, a 4, and a 5
Nana gets 1 SUCCESS (the 6)
Fanny gets 1 SUCCESS (the 5)
IT’S A DRAW!!!
ROUND 3: INTELLECT
Nana (4 dice) versus Fanny (4 dice)
Nana rolls a 3, a 3, a 4, and a 5
Fanny rolls a 1, a 2, a 5, and a 5
Nana gets 1 SUCCESS (the 5)
Fanny gets 2 SUCCESSES (the 5 and the 5)
FANNY WINS!!!
ROUND 4: It all comes down to CHARISMA
Nana (4 dice) versus Fanny (4 dice)
Nana rolls a 4, a 4, a 6, and a 6
Fanny rolls a 1, a 3, a 5, and a 6
Nana gets 2 SUCCESSES (the 6 and the 6)
Fanny gets 2 SUCCESSES (the 5 and the 6)
ANOTHER DRAW!!!

So overall, this particular battle ends with a TIE!!!

In order to break the tie, we would usually initiate the DEALBREAKER, but we’re not gonna do that here because this was just for example purposes and besides, WE’RE TOTALLY TWINS.

Each podcast episode will feature one BONE BATTLE. The results will be posted on the blog after the podcast is uploaded. So, technically, you don’t have to listen to the podcast to know the results, but WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT???

Looking forward to it, guys. It’s seriously gonna the MOST IMPORTANT BATTLE OF ALL TIME.

xoxo, Fanny and Nana